The Witch's and Druids Den

Personal disclaimer: I mention specific herbs in this article, I deeply research what my body needs, as well as look at all of the cautions on my body before choosing tinctures and teas. Be sure to consider what you need, meds you take, life choices such as surgeries, health conditions, etcetera before you take anything internally.
*I do offer personal recommendations in paid consultations only. Please message me! 

We are all looking for the ever elusive Peace. ~ Take it easy. On yourself, and others. 

While encouraging community togetherness, recovery in progress it is hard to pin down to when life will be back to ‘normal’. Normal is the elusive time we will consider putting up our feet individually to process all of this. Regardless of communal circumstances or ‘normal’ everyday life – we individuals will unknowingly wait forever to rest ourselves, till the last battle is won.

Especially considering the last 5 years have been continuous chaos for many. Not to mention so much change unfolding before us. The larger world trucks on, and we keep working to find that final ‘normal’ feeling – but continue feeling stuck in societal unrest, because there is always something to work towards. I know there are big battles – the ebb and flow of our globalism and in our everyday lives. I can’t help but wonder – how we as a society do ‘rest’ within this bubble of confusion and longing for normalcy?

I certainly find a lot of healing, and ability to process current events and find hope within myself when I give myself permission to pause a little, every day. ~~It doesn’t pay my bills, or raise funds for all the causes that deserve support, it does not give back a home someone lost, no real world fireworks for anyone to see.

But you see? By giving myself this time, I am better able to show up in my community with renewed and ongoing strength. I am focused and determined to use what talents I do have and skills I have built to keep hope that while normalcy is subjective – new normal, someone else’s sense of normal – all in all – I have hope because I care enough about my individual self to care for it, so that I CAN care for others. 

In fact, I fell into hustle culture tells you that it is ‘all effort all the time’, and resting is frowned upon. Even my “healing” style was approached with a bit of hustle. And this culture? It tells you that if you didn’t work at it at max capacity and be productive in every sector of your life – you are somehow not committed to your dreams. Even further this perpetuates the feeling if you let yourself rest a bit, that even further~ if you work yourself to the bone – existentially the end goal still may never happen (disillusionment of ‘the American dream’ anyone?).

Creating the false belief that no matter what you do, try or no, you may never get that pot of gold. And an even bigger lie: That productivity (as in producing or procuring something someone else labels as worth) is the equivalent to success. Big secret reveal: It isn’t. But, recovery requires self awareness, time, effort…Doing.

Knowing is doing.

The first step in knowing is beginning at the beginning. Thus defining the solution for ourselves on an individual level, and not to sound too woo woo ~ so that the ripple could spread to our communities for collective recovery. And if there is anything to hope for, that is a beautiful wave to strive towards. 

Con·va·les·cence /ˌkänvəˈles(ə)ns/    noun
convalescence

• time spent recovering from an illness or medical treatment; recuperation.
  “a period of convalescence”
• Similar: recuperation, recovery, return to health, process of getting better, rehabilitation, improvement, mending, restoration
  
  Definition from Oxford Languages Dictionary

Why physicality and history matter: 

Slowly we learn that it can be overcome, but it takes years for our bodies to recognize a late bill as a late bill (as something to be resolved) rather than the mind focusing on a solution instead of an animal (for example) attack, the nervous system in the body has not made that rapid change in the different levels of imminent danger, and thus it is no wonder we see recovery to be an interference to our respectively short life spans.

With our hormones out of natural balance and full of alert signals – we want to do all we can while we are here, and experience so much – we rush through was we feel we “have to” do, and even more – because of hustle culture we then put off what it is we “want to” do (more often than not) which creates an ever losing battle without having enough energy or time to also do nothing, and moreover without the intention and reverence for ourselves as a body being, not just a human doing. 

From my humble view for the majority – it boils down to burnout. Pushing so hard to make sure the world within our homes is safe, our families fed and happy. Focusing a great deal of attention to “have to: safe” vs “want to: happy”. The discourse we create within ourselves – for our own (and others) survival yes, but how effective are we really, if the happiness gets no time too? We require rest to find this peace. This balance.

The why of doing

Working ourselves to exhaustion in an effort to provide one space where we can feel secure in our building efforts. But what do we do in that place of sanctuary? Do we spend any of that time in recovery or do we just keep working to make it better, safer, more secure? Do we bounce from project to project, activity to activity – waiting to feel like we have earned the right to calm down and relax a little? Is that Friday night out with friends and one or 2 day weekend/chore/errand rush to sleep in an hour (maybe) a buffer for the weeklong work hustle?  

No wonder humans merely doing is how we begin to believe we should travel this plane. Burning ourselves to a crisp focused on the outside – and skipping over the many things on our inside that would help enrich our souls existence. (Not all people will want that, but many do~!)

I have always been one of those people. Who wanted my time to mean something, to learn all I could about my heart and why it feels the things it feels, what are thoughts and why can I both see and hear them? Why do I have some thoughts more than other thoughts, the how, why, and when of it all. But when I chose recovery over chaos, I didn’t know how to answer any of that – or how to ask myself the questions – I couldn’t hear myself in all that hormonal thunder.

Dysregulation on top of dysregulation

I lost my job a few months into last year. I had worked for the same company for 16 years (and having worked (mostly) consistently full time jobs since early teen-hood (over 30 years)). Most of that time I believed strongly in the hustle, I believed I could push through whatever challenge, most of the time with integrity. I believed I was taking advantage of my allotted vacation – my ability to rebuild my energy to do it again next week after a weekend break. I believed I could earn enough time after working to eventually rest, and with that I would earn the appreciation of my peers through hard work and the diversity would be worth all the emotional effort I had put into helping my family, myself and the company to thrive. 

When it is time to rest, and recover, we can only feel that safety to really find our peace when we take care of the underlying issue of our nervous system failing. Where it went off track, and worked hard at getting back on the path rather than on that revolving section that keeps us running in place. 

It isn’t always about just resting a little

Now nearly a year since I left my job, this being the first time I have ever taken a long term non-hustle break – I’ve had to work really hard at resting. It sounds crazy to say out loud, but honestly, this was harder for me to do than it was to get up early and drag myself to work. I had to remind myself everyday that my body and mind needed this, sometimes reminding myself hourly. It is an ever revolving train of thought about personal responsibility, and as a partner – the act of equal participation in the prosperity of the home as well as balancing being able to not be mad at myself for resting.

This past year has been both the darkest and the lightest I have ever experienced. While most of my life I had spent avoiding things I don’t like within myself and just focused on the outer bubble and mitigating those circumstances (all while feeling like I was failing at it) – this year I stopped the outer bubble and worked on myself, within me. This is the turning point from hustle culture to self culture. I am doing this with herbs, journaling, mother nature, focus, spirituality, determination and REST. 

Energy burns out YOU

With this energy which I used to call “manic” energy (Yes, that Manic) I learned that I could manipulate it too. I knew that not resting well, using a lot of energy supplements, ill-diet etc. could help me produce the dysregulated effect of these hormones.

The truth is that energy that kept me in hustle mode for months at a time isn’t normal, (and wow, it is also toxic AF to the people in my life). I knew what things caused it, and I repeated the steps it took to get there.

Avoiding healthy choices and thinking I was in danger in someway I couldn’t identify, looking for the negatives in myself and others (Again, this is hindsight!) for a few days would cause that energy within my body. I also knew it caused a crash into low level person-ing for a while when the survival hormones wore out, but I didn’t care. I could push through down time again, after all, I have done so before.

Besides – I could take on the world when I had it, and so, I tried to keep it going. I did this because when I am truly at max capacity – look out with that amount of “make things happen with joy” I could have! I admit, I am top notch when I can project my enthusiasm!

But, like all egocentric personality disorders – it did nothing for my internal being. AND it kept my nervous system in a constant loop of crash and burn, but because I avoided rest, once the energy ran out, I would dump into non-moving mode, hide how I was feeling and do the “just doing the daily grind of living” (all the while not hiding it well). For long periods of time I would fade to everyone else’s “Monday” mode for a few weeks, sometimes months. Leaving people to believe I was “just” having a hard time “right now”, and that I would get over it eventually. 

This time of recovery now is focused on stopping this pattern, and returning to my own natural energy and not becoming a victim of my own dysregulation anymore.

Even further, I know I am not the only one looking back and seeing a whole lot of re-understanding our own mental health dysfunction in ‘alternative’ ways. Good for us! No, really. we become the anchors.

Why do we not ask why?

Never did I realize till this year how much I was avoiding within myself. Maybe I never rested because I knew that this pain in me would hurt so much, because if I did rest, I would feel it. Turns out, I was right, my oh my – do I feel it. But – I NEEDED to do so.

So I could understand more of myself, to tell myself that if I am sick of feeling this way, I have to figure out how to feel better. So far no one else had any viable solutions. Research, rabbit hole learning patterns, other peoples ideas, and not for lack of trying on their or my own parts, I had to find it for myself. Because no one gives you an outline. So I wrote my own, with a little magic. 

First, example: How do I show up for others? When I was remote as many were during Covid: Do I say yes to working when I have the flu because others will be mad/hurt I am not there – and work 8 hours miserably? I knew my crew could handle it, and managers could wait a few days, but I soon realized it was more people pleasing, which is different than community care I knew I was not letting myself recover properly. It can be detrimental to ourselves if doing for others is very much less than we do for ourselves when we need it.

As a real life spiral (Again, rapid accumulation of knowledge..) Knowing this will soon lead to asking who the hell told us what others think is more important than what we think? (Low opinion of self) Or that anyone else is paying attention – and here’s a question – if they are paying attention to us – what are they avoiding within themselves that they look elsewhere (to us)? (Busy bodies) 

The point is, if you are at this point in finding what to ask, you will need to ask Why? The other questions will come with time, but starting with ‘why’ helps tremendously with the inevitable follow up: What can I do to help? How can I grow from this? All of the questions will need to start with why.

Gratitude: Who we surround ourselves with makes a difference in feeling safe to rest.

Honestly – I was paying attention to fixing/helping everyone else but me. I thought that was how we helped ourselves feel better inside, to help others… but all it did was burn me out?

I realize now, I helped others in an effort to avoid me. I didn’t know I had to help me, so that I could help others. So, without realizing it, I was surrounding myself with people I felt needed help. Which leads to a lot of toxic behavior on my own behalf, but that is my story, not necessarily yours.

But, overall in life – I found that only focusing on helping others (not myself) hurt me. Going above and beyond to consider others was inconsiderate of myself. Back then I never wanted anyone to think I am selfish, or that I was lazy, or even worst – that I am in need of help myself. Receiving help would mean I was not able to help them. And my goodness, I would never want that. Self abandonment is not a fun game.

The invisible many: 

Right now I see people being honest, who are open with their current struggles, a lot of them are experiencing the same burnout (for various reasons) – a few of them have had lifelong experiences like mine. However, I know, that even more people out there experience this in secret, with invisible illnesses, feeling alone because everyone else hides their experience too.

Chronic body pain, body image dysregulation, mental anguish/illness, hormone dysregulation, physical illness, and so. much. trauma. Work place trauma, childhood, relationship, war, societal, honestly .. everything can be traumatic to the right person in the wrong circumstance.

For all the self introspection we do, we forget everyone is also there too.

So, we take on small accidental slights as personal attacks. If a regulated person replied, it is a conversation, if a dysregulated person does, it becomes conflict for both of you, and everyone around you.

The ripples this dysregulated society is in…You don’t always see it, so you have no idea who also is in dysregulation unless we talk to each other. 

I think it is better to help ourselves coregulate, so that we can better see, help and diffuse dysregulation in the wild though understanding, patience and better intuition. I am encouraged, because I believe quite a few people are going through the same steps of looking inward at these complex life questions. These are the ripples that infuse me. That inspire me.

Regardless of the cause – the burnout of the hormone fluctuations for years on end can leave us with an existential crisis of “where does that leave me now?” and sometimes we don’t know where to begin, or what to do – but if you choose to heal your system, and expect it to take time and action, effort and maybe some tears here and there. But, through this healing is always the beneficial choice, once begun it is also never ending, because there is always something to learn about yourself and your world and how to keep it healing, growing.

If we do not take the time to reset now, what will we miss by barely holding it together? I personally am ready to let myself rest. Recover, recuperate my natural easy energy again. Not to miss out on myself anymore, not to force myself to survive on hormones and caffeine, but to care for myself a little each day, write my thoughts out to understand my brain and heart, and to care for those around me in all the magic energetic ways I know – without the manic energy to cover burnout.

Physical Movement, Magic, Spirituality, Lifestyle and Nature are a huge part of my recovery. I will be working on other sections on these soon, but all are so large in my life deserve a huge credit to my healing with their own articles. 

So this is how I am doing it right now. One recipe at a time.

Some Herbs That influence my recovery

Repeat Personal Disclaimer: I mention specific herbs in this article, I deeply research what my body needs, as well as look at all of the cautions on my body before choosing tinctures and teas. Be sure to consider what you need, meds you take, life choices such as surgeries, health conditions, etcetera before you take anything internally. *I do offer personal recommendations in paid consultations only. Please message me!  

System Reset Tea: Water is the most important thing we need first and foremost. I use spring water that I add special spiritual {moon, celestial etc.} water to. This adds to the intentions, and honestly the woo woo magic aesthetic I dig.

Washing: Inside and out the system helps revitalize cells, flush toxins, move energies, and introduces flow into our very beings. On a historical level of water being the cleansing, the very flow of our souls, our bodies need inner and outer waters for deep system work.

A face splash of cool water in the morning to start my system with intention to “start fresh”, a lot of nervous system, immune system, spiritually, and magical systems use Cleansing as part of intention/physical benefits.

• ¼ Cup of herbal blend –
  • Viola – Lymph Movement
  • St. John’s Wort – Mood Support
  • Cornsilk – Supports Urinary System
  • Red Clover – Great for women of any age 
• 2 – 3 Tbsp ground coffee – Good for energy, quick thinking, movement 
• 1 Tsp ground egg shells (calcium in eggshells helps remove bitterness that may occur in herbs or coffee; magically it helps with positive thinking and feeling protected). 

Steps:

• Boil 2 Cups of water. 
• Pour over the herbs, coffee and eggshells. Let sit for a minute or 2. 
• Stir and push press down half way. 
• Let sit for 7 to 10 min. 
• Fully press and pour into the mug, Enjoy!

I add my tinctures *veggie glycerin tinctures can be used, a bit of milk, a dash of turmeric and black pepper. The last are for additional anti-inflammation and increased mineral absorption rate.

System Reset Tincture: I make my own tinctures from herbs I grow, forage or buy. There are more than a billion websites, books, etc that cover how to do this. Research to find what is the best method or brand if you want to go that route. Both methods can be pricey long term, home making is best for my family, but it is certainly not required.

For this blend I use precise measurements of each herb into 1 large bottle so I can refill my small dropper bottle when needed. This is just the list I used this round. I use 6 droppers full each morning in the system reset tea blend. The steam from the drink takes the alcohol flavor off of the tincture. 

• Mimosa (leaves and flowers) – Known as the Happy herb – Mood boosting
• Mugwort – I have a special relationship with this herb magically and spiritually – intuition, clear thought, understanding dreams (which helps me understand my subconscious while awake)
• Reishi Mushroom (double distilled) – Immune support 
• Tulsi – Very good with a soothing nervous system. Calming but energetic
• Ginger – digestion system support 
• Cilantro – digestion system support
• Nettles – Nutritive herb – very good for building mineral support during recovery
• Turmeric – anti-inflammatory 
• Black Pepper – Aid for absorbing turmeric; and warming herbs – perfect for winter and people who have a tendency to get cold or stay cold long term due to circulation issues etc.

I will be adding viola to the next batch due to the lymph system improvements it provides (in addition to it being in the herb blend above). 

Eat! Drink! And BE Merry!

Because my intention with this whole process is to recover, I then sit with the coffee/drink and look around my space for the rest of the cup, sometimes a second since I did brew 2 cups worth! I am not in a rush to go, just look around and appreciate my space for what it is. I understand this is counter intuitive for some used to rushing around, and difficult for those with many people around if you have roomies/family etc. I can’t tell you how centering it is if you can find the time/space to do it. I can also take this time to write journal type stuff. But, not always, being in place with just thinking about your space will bring all kinds of inspiration!

Beyond a tea blend.

Besides the future promised articles about the other things I do, I wanted to mention a few other things here to help get you started on finding the best recovery for yourself. 

Taking things slowly, this isn’t a race, or to ‘produce’ something. Just an honest sit down to find out the things that bother you, why, and how you want to feel in the future. You can do all, you can do 1, no matter how you move through this, if the goal is to grow, you will, no matter what steps you take to do so.

System Reset Rest (Scheduled):

I’ll be 100% honest here. I have had WEEKS of letting myself just chill. I know how rare it is to have that chance, and I am grateful beyond belief. But, in reality, some of it was more difficult than I thought it would be. No energy, No drive, No projects, even doing very minimal chores. I struggled, I felt guilty, I felt lazy, I felt bad about me.

But, eventually finding that knowing; that resting is something I never let myself do before – I now look forward to scheduled rest time. I don’t fight my body when recovering from a high energy day the day before. I breathe into letting myself rest.

Remember, if you can not find the time, have some grace towards yourself about it. No one will punish you if you do, or don’t; but you. It is ok. Try to find some time tomorrow again. It really is like that. You get to make the rules, and you are the one who answers to you. No one else.

Sometimes it is hard to find the time, but consider how much relief you give yourself just a little time.

If naps are not your thing – just sitting still, meditation, stretching with light yoga, things that equal quiet focus time for you.

This time isn’t about inner work, fixing, or changing, it is focused on quiet.

System Reset Journaling:

A lot of feelings, emotions, thoughts, things will begin to come up when you start talking to yourself about your surroundings, what you want to change, how you want to feel in your body, what you believe about yourself, all of this can be called shadow work, system reset, healing journey, ascension, I have heard many terms for this. 

You should be prepared for some things you don’t expect, you will begin to understand things about yourself that you do not like, or that you don’t immediately understand how to deal with. I encourage having at least one person who can help you talk through some things as they come up.

Uncomfortable emotions, reflection and self acknowledgement should be met with kindness of self and curiosity. Be sure to write thoughts, emotions, and strong reactions to this. Writing things out isn’t about self judgement, but accessing deeper subconscious self. 

*IF ever you feel stuck, alone or completely lost – reach out to someone. If you think you have no one, I offer free email conversations on how to feel better in the moment- no sales pitches for products or anything like that. ~~I never want anyone to feel alone. I can also offer resources for things I do not know how to help with. There are bigger things in life that need a larger community to help, but I am willing to help you find those if talking to me short term does not help. 

Jumping into writing to yourself:

There are a lot of suggestions online easily searched, if you don’t know where to start. You may feel like some of the easy questions are too simple, but actually asking yourself simple questions will lead you in all kinds of directions. 

Starting “How do I think others see me?” will help you find deeper understanding by following up questions like Why? When did I learn that? Did I hear that, or am I assuming? Who told me that? Why would they say that? Why would I assume that if no one told me that? All of these who, where, what, when, why and how questions can reveal beliefs about ourselves we didn’t know we had, and if we find we don’t agree with that belief, we can change that. We can grow from that, we can heal from that. 

Can you imagine the kind of healing you will get by asking yourself  “How do I see me?” “What makes me cringe about myself?” “What makes me beautiful?” all the things you assume a therapist would ask a new patient. 

As a side note: You will begin to observe your outer bubble life differently. As you go along, you will start to notice things about your interactions with other people, or their behaviors that make you think about your own patterns. This is good! It doesn’t mean you will always be happy about the answers you see, and the behaviors of others – it will naturally change how you move in life.

There lies the true joy. You will begin to have extraordinary experiences, and even though often the outside world feels oppressive at some level, you yourself will feel off sometimes, some people feel off, or different. This is all normal. And it is also normal to feel the amount of relief you feel inside, it will begin to reflect outward, and your experience with the chaos going on around you will become more positive. 

In conclusion: I do.

Of course none of these steps fixes everything. I don’t want to give the impression that life just feels perfect once you take steps 1, 2, and 3 on a list… it isn’t that at all. Finding recovery in ourselves helps us deal with the imperfection of the world to the best of our ability. Whether you begin it because of a recent nervous system dysregulation, or a lifelong one, is worth the time and effort for yourself, your circle and the greater community.

Can you imagine a life where more people are regulated? I challenge you to dream it for just a moment. This isn’t a fantasy to me though, for I have hope that the more I heal, the more that ripple will extend. 

I can’t tell you that I don’t have bad days, but the amount of relief I feel every single day that I took this break keeps me hoping, keeps me joyful, keeps me grateful, keeps me going, keeps me fighting, keeps me advocating and keeps me healing. 

I can feel better, and so, I do. 

I can’t think of a better reason to convalesce.